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The words are just like ... words, I guess.

Sunday, October 02, 2005

So, empty.

So I'm pissed at you my friend. My deer sweet friend. You have no clue, you see, he is who you love now, not me anymore. Dont even try to say that its different and we each have our place, because its not so. You see, you spend every day with him, he is your best friend as well as your boyfriend. I just want you to know it hurts; you are having the time of your life and I'm alone. You abandoned me, at school without you, and you have the nerve to tell me its for the best. You use me; I am not a pocketbook. Sense he's now the targets of your affection, perhaps he should be the one who kindly pays for your whims. You never call... perhaps if you had, we wouldn't be where we are now. Why my friend did you do this, did you try to hang on to my heart while giving yours to another? Where is the friend that I pulled out of school and watched panic on the bus? Who would drop by after going to the store? I STILL LIVE 3 BLOCKS AWAY! Don't think I havn't tried. I am usualy greeted by your brother or mother when I call or visit; your never home. Always ALWAYS out with him. Then you have the nerve to accuse me of hurting you, you dont see the pain I have? Are you that out of sync with me my Grace? What of our plans to move to Seattle? Do you paint him there now? Why did you make me hold on, I was ready to let go like you have once, and you made me stay... just to keep hurting me. You seem that you only want my atention when I am enjoying myself, when I am talking to someone, or such... thats when you need me. You havnt "needed" me for a long time now. I know that you life cant be perfect, but you havnt confided in me, havnt sought my blessing, my councel, my affection in so long. It just hurts you know? I suppose you know, it hurts you somehow, but its not the same. You have someone to make the hurt go away, to talk to, while I sit alone. You always said you wanted to see my cry, well? Where are you now, now that you made me cry, not to embrace me, to wipe away the tears, so I sit. Its not fair that I love you, I wish I didnt care, for the hurt would be gone. Where is the friend that was there for me when everything came crashing down... thats when you were not as strong as I needed, and I was not as week as I thought. Where is the friend that would sit in my arms as we watched a movie, or slept on my as we rode the bus to college? She is gone now, and frankly as much as she think she doesnt want it back. So why hold on? You just make me hurt more, each day. I cant beleve that you didnt do me the curtosy of leting me go still loving you, but anymore that fades, and is being replaced with resent... for you, as sad as it is, I no longer care about you, I cant... YOU WONT LET ME. So there. Sleep my friend, and have a wonderful day at school, it will be weeks before you talk to me again anyway... before you remind me of the one I miss, and I become just that much less close to you. But as you come to know what I do, grow closer to him, he will comfort you, and fill the hole that I left, while I sit empty, without my love, without you.

3 Comments:

  • This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2/10/05 9:41 PM  

  • I'm sorry that this has happened. This probably won't help, but I'm here if you ever need someone to lament to. It's the best I can do.

    By Anonymous Caroline, at 3/10/05 7:58 PM  

  • Is this a post to punish me? Why didn't you do me the courtesy of making it preferred or private? Why not an e-mail or face to face? I'm not bickering with you online, bud. Why would you attack in public humiliation? Just because I couldn't talk to you one night doesn't mean I didn't ever want to talk, all this time, I've been trying and I'm feeling a limp rope. So, when I do call or message and I know you're home, at least do me the courage of saying, "I don't really feel like talking right now" because ignoring someone who's trying to talk humbly like this is really low. I'd really like to mend this and possibly start over. When you decide, I'm here. We'll fix things.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7/10/05 7:16 PM  

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