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The words are just like ... words, I guess.

Tuesday, July 27, 2004


     I misspelled that didn't I?  Well here I go, a test to see if you posses the iron attention span needed to read this blog.  I would be your typical Mormon teenager. 
     I am a junior in high school who has the opportunity to go to community collage next year I have a carI hold a large responsibility in our ever growing churchI have many friends and am always busyI date some girls when occasion permits.
     Fairly normal huh?  Sounds like I am living the American dream.  Happy all the time, life is smooth and life goes on.
     But deep inside I harbor a deep secret that would destroy me.  Some thing so extreme that this happy go lucky life could disappear like waking from a dream.  I am gay.  Now when I say gay let me explain.  I find that I am physicaly attracted to males.  Now don't think that I am a flamer by association to my sexual preference.  I'm not.  What I am is me.
     Now some people may ask, how could this be so destroying to you?  There was one key word in all that babble above.  Mormon.  I'm Mormon, my brother is Mormon, my parents are Mormon.  Some people just went ah, some still say "I don't get it".  Let me explain further.  My church has strong opinions on Homosexuality.  Its seen as next to murder and all that other nasty stuff.  And so the people say "that's nice, your church hates you, so what, find another".  This doesn't quite seem to be an option.  As I said, my parents are Mormon, and I still live in my parents house under there rules.  "Just break them!" some cry.  But alas, I will not.  I love my parrents, and dispite this "discrepancy" as I call it, I do have a belief in my church.  So this is my life.
    When I say destroy me, this is what I ment.  I would not be going to community collage.  I would loose my car and ability to drive.  I would be removed from the church in a most rude and dishonorable way.  My friends would hate me for a choice, not me.  And those who remain, I would not see because my parrents would forbid it.  I would never be permited to be around friends, most of all members of the same sex.  My parrents would fear my dating of gay males.

    This is all so frightning to me.  But this is who I am.  Who I have become.  I once heard a man who was discharged from the milatary for being gay say this.

"The goverment gave me a metal for killing a man, and discharged me for loving one"

    I think those are strong words about the where and when we live in.