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The words are just like ... words, I guess.

Sunday, October 30, 2005

this is an audio post - click to play

this is an audio post - click to play

Friday, October 28, 2005

Super Fine

This is Fawn ... she is so cool! We are at the Johnsons waiting for the other car. i am sam... the coolest person in teh world

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Pharmacy ... evil

NOTE: Image upload failed; please try again later.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

The Birth of a Universe!

I worked late at work and was hoping to see Zack before I headed home. Ah well, that boy... sigh.

OK. Not really, I took a picture of a street light out my car window that had a ton of rain on it but it just looked SO cool. What do you expect? I an siting in a parking lot and am very board.

FW:AP Euro ... again

I'm siting here in Zack's euro class again. How cracktastic. Anyway, I don't follow anything im this class anyway, it's nice to spend time with him, but we need to get sadies figured out anyway too. Ashley had proposed going as the little rascals. Sounds good, we just need a plan. I got my form to Zack, the whole thing is rather last minute. Ah well, he's politicaly connected so it should be fine.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Sadies... thuper

So, if you all already didnt know, I am indeed going to Sadie Hawkens. Yeah, I know. But I am excited, and the fact that Zack asked me makes him the chick! YES! Enough with that *snicker*, the fact is that I have to go get a form signed by good ol' Cow Valley. Basicly, even though CV and U-Hi are in the same freakin' district, I still need an "out of school" authorization form, even if they can look up my disapline record right on there computer. It's no big deal though, although the fact "Zack" is bringing "Rick" may rase a few eyebrows. It's cool though, we are taking a pair of girls, (No there not lesbians, even if thats what I first thought too!). I still have no idea whats going on this saturday, someone will figure it out I suppose. It's nice to have someone though, OH, later on I will tell you more about the 33.5 hour day, and the uber energy drink.

Say yes to mobile blogging

I'm im the SCC game room at the moment just siting here. Everyone else is off doing there own thing. It's ok though because now that I've slept, I an im a far better mood. I still don't know about work though; I swear Bill is trying to kill me. Anyway, my software worked so that was a huge relief. I think that I'm going to rate my money and buy a new laptop to run Vista on. I visited Zack yesterday, it was the general concenses that I looked like hell. Guess that is what sleep deprivation does to one. It turned out ok though because of this drink that they gave me. Something like three cups of coffee.

Monday, October 24, 2005

33 and a half

Quickly, I've been awake for 33 and a half hours... I'm dead... bah

Sunday, October 23, 2005


Ok. Leaving the dance now. what a bust. Jackson stayed behind because he is absolutly pussywhiped. I miss Zack. It's too bad that Zack had to work instead of saving of from this disaster of an evening ... and it's not even over yet! Nothing profound right now, need more sleep deprivation for that. Just whining. [Zack calls] I havn't had my phone for quite some time. I enjoied my talk with Zack. I'm glad that Zack's ring tone works. Then we called Christy and everyone took my phone. Anyway, the picture is of sam as she droped of off.

Saturday, October 22, 2005

My one true love... if she were just a bit more butch

This is my absolute best friend ever... and her senior picture.

Sam... get with it!

This is my best friend Sam, she got shy all of a sudden.

this is an audio post - click to play

Friday, October 21, 2005

A fun night, with nothing to show

So this is the result of a cellphone, ADD, a freeway, and Zack, Tyler, and I. What a scary mess this is. I'm not really gonna comment much on it, listen for yourself. (Needless to say, we had fun, the three of us, without doing anything but driving around and geting Taco Bell... Those were some scary skinheads)

this is an audio post - click to play

Jackson is lazy...

Yes, just a quick post on the way to SCC. Jackson is lazy, basicly what it means.

this is an audio post - click to play

Continueing with playing with Blogger, this is a picture of me... although I doubt that anyone reads this blog that hasn't actualy met me.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

This is a great picture of him, I hope he doesn't mind me having it in my jornal.

Like, ... two saturdays ago

OK, next day!
Saturday was interesting, although not so much in the morning. That was geting copies of my keys, grocries, and the like. Cleaning mostly so I wont dwell on this for long. The jist of the day was after 4:00pm. That was when the fun all began. I first tried calling Alicia, but she couldn't come. I wonder if she really even wants to anymore, or maybe she is just taking Sam's side to the issues that we have. Anyway, next person was Chritsy. Called at about 4:00, was at her house at 4:10, and left at 4:45. Girls... impossible. So we were later then I had hoped, and the fact that Paul had his little baptism thing come up. So no shopping for him. Ah, well. Well we showed up at River Park Square. We parked, and went inside. The first step was dinner; and it was good. Me and Brian ate at Panda Express, while Christy ate at Subway.
Then was the not so fun part. It was just me, Brian, and Christy shopping, and that wasn't near as fun without Paul. Recapping.... Okay... this thing's been lost, so I shall write it over and it shall be better. Wahahahaa..... errr... Anyway, this is being written long after said events, so I will be breif. So after dinner Zack stops by for just a minute before he heads to work to say hello to me, Christy, and Brian. She was mad that I got such a good one! Funny I know. But people were slowly arriving thourghout the evening. Sam was the first, we met her at the STA Plaza, and she was going to leave with Christy. Through using my finantial abilities, I was able to provide a way for everyone to stay and compete at Laserquest. So then Paul shows up, and we each get Starbucks, and walk to Laserquest. When we arrive Nathan and Co. walk in the door at the same time. We signed up for the long game, and then had to wait about an hour before it started, that was the point at which Sam first saw him. Anyway, we played out the game and had a great time, everyone else left at that point. Me and Jackson stayed for the next game, and I added something to "The Players Code", "I will not run, climb, jump, OR PRANCE!"
After that game, I Jackson drove me to River Park Square parking, and he was off. I was rather upset that it seemed that everything was locked, and I was without car! I got in as someone else was coming out. Drove home, and that was it.

Sorry about the lack of details, but it was a while ago.

Catching up and all!

So it has been a while sense I have given you all a good long update on how I am and everything I am doing. So, Zack ... yes. I am very excited to get to see him as often as I do. I just think it's funny that I am writing this from the Seminary building, and this why I am so distracted, and why this post is so incoheriant. Also, any errors are due to the fact that I am writing this without looking at the keyboard. Anyway, I am just staying until I can get out to see Zack at his lunch, then off to work. I really need to get some different stuff done for work, and really to get it done TONIGHT. Thats ok though... enough babble, story time; I have two.

First Story.
So I beleve that it was tuesday that me and Zack wasted quite a bit of time at Hastings. I had come right after work to meet him and Tyler there. After ariving, and giving him the customary hug, we began searching the music. More spicificly, we were looking for "Angry Choir Music". Interesting I know. Well anyway, the hunt was on. We looked all over that store for the music of desire. Needless to say, we never found it, but thats not the interesting part. The interesting parts of the evening were when Tyler was trying to bribe me and Zack to go make out in front of the Christian book club. It seemed that Zack didn't need to be paid, but we didn't end up doing it... as evil and funny as it would have been. Anyway, sense our quest for "Angry Choir Music" was defeeted by the invintory system at Hastings, the next search was for Barbershop Quartet music. We did eventualy find this, although the total time spent in the store was something like an hour and a half. We said our goodbyes and I had to go and pick up the laptop that I left at work.
Ok, I told you that story to tell you this one... and rather then starting from scratch, I will simply retype the text message that I sent to Zack.
"You will never believe this. So it's 11:30, I just got out of class. I'm standing in the hallway talking to a friend, and this guy walks up and asks, 'Are you the one that was looking for angry choir music?' I stared at him dumfounded for a moment, then realized that it was the clerck from Hastings. I simply answered, 'No, that was my Boyfriend, but I was with him.' He laughed and was off, although the person I was talking to was taken aback."

Story Two:
So last night I saw him again, I was talking to him on the phone, and was just coming back from being with Sam and Nathan, when I just found that I drove to his house. By the time I get there I simply say on the phone 'There is a very sneeky Hyundai in your driveway', dead silance on the other end of the phone. He says something like, 'No way', and tells me he will be out in a second. It was so funny... he tried to sneed all the way around the grauge but I saw him cross, and hes not very sneeky quiet, so I caught him. Anyway, we stood there and talked, and I was interested to find out how I fared on his list of things he wants in a boyfriend. I know that you all may think thats stupid, but I really like him, and have to make sure that he likes me. Anyway, I couldn't even remember the last two items anyway, but now that I have access to this list again, I will let you all know.

  • Intelegance greater then that of a spoon
  • Cute
  • Ability and/or Desire for commitment
  • Secure with himself
  • Honest
  • Cares about others

Hmm, its his to decide I suppose. I wish he wrote.

Ok, so I have been talking about this guy, Zack, my boyfriend (which is still something that makes my heart flutter everytime he says that about me). I am playing with Hello, a spiffy peace of software so I can makse sure you all can see what he looks like. A good catch if I do say so myslef!

This is Zack


So this is my first AudioPost. I have decided that I love this feature because it requires much less typing. Anyway, please take a listen...

this is an audio post - click to play

Sunday, October 16, 2005

AP Euro

So I'm writing at 6 AM because I didn't do it last night and I missed several phone calls too.  I'm sorry everyone, the bed was just comfy, but perhaps I should talk about yesterday.

So the morning was just another day at school and such, not all that interesting.  I went to drop Jackson off at high school, and then made a last minute decision to go to U-Hi, (that’s right, I flipped a U turn on Sullivan).  I just wanted to see him during lunch and all, but somehow ended up staying longer.  I saw Kassi and Kami too.  I've been told that there kind of freaked out and all about this.  I assume that they will just cope later.  I stayed with him during lunch, and interestingly enough... attended AP Euro.  It’s just strange that the teacher would even allow me to attend her class, but I enjoyed it.  Rather just wanted to be near Zack.  After class got out, we headed to the Choir room, and he played the piano.  Practicing for some kind of concert, he was rather good, especially for claiming to have not practiced.  I got to serve as a page turner, *sigh*, but it was rather funny when the Choir teacher asked where I got my jacket, apparently, all Choir teachers are just Metro, like Mr. Musatko.  I find it all to be an odd occurrence.
After stopping and tending to several more of Zack's responsibilities, we took Tyler home... now here's the good part.  So we are driving along, and I'm in shotgun (thank you Tyler) and Zack is driving, and we find that we are directly behind a school bus.  Zack impulsively waves at the child in the back and he shoots us the peace sign... spiffy kid, but then I lean over and give my boyfriend a kiss on the cheek.  What was priceless was this, the child's expression never changed; he was still smiling.  What does he do?  He simply gives us a thumb down.  God it was funny!  Dropped off Tyler, and then went to Office Depot, copy time!  It was a lot of copies, and you would think that two teenagers with high IQs would have been masters of the copy machine, and we did get it figured out, it just took a bit.  It was just great spending time with him, and the copy lady was so funny, she noticed the matching laces on our shoes, and asked us about the people staring at us.  We shrugged that off, and we were off, Zack was quite late to his tutoring session (what, he is the tutor, what were you thinking).  He dropped me off and I was on my way.  After arriving home, and taking a short break, I get a message from Neil saying, "Sam’s on her way", you see, I had been ignoring her earlier.  So just as she comes to pick me up my mom says "I think there is something you want to tell me..." and then the doorbell rings.  I hate those words, and wanted to just hug Sam for perfect timing.  I guessed what it was about (my mom) and it was a conversation that I was not looking forward too, not at all.  So Sam arrives, and we go to the Liberty Lake elementary school, she wants to play on the swings.  It’s a long talk that is really personal, so I won’t really go into it.  Needless to say, were getting things figured out.

< Poetic

I said this earlier today in an instant message conversation, and she quite liked it so I put if for your review.

You may put the relationship in the romantic sense on hold,
But as long as you love each other,
And nurture the friendship as best you can,
The romance will survive.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

leave me alone... it's 5 AM

er... actually, it's not. This is the oh so wonderful Sam. I wish to let you all know that Rick and I are in the process of becoming okay again. Oh yes... my nagging works.

Worship me


Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Taken, so I shal give!

I keep telling myself that I have to do this before I go to bed... I wanted to fall asleap about 8:00, when me and Zack said goodnight, but oh well... I do have much to write.

So there is a major change between when I woke up and me now. I now have a Boyfriend, and couldn't be happier. This guy is just great. No, like all girls (and gay men) should be jelous. This all came about when I visited Kassi and Zack at lunch today. We went mostly because Kassi has been so down lately, I feel for the girl, I really do and wish she would tell us whats wrong, but it's her choice. Before we ran into Zack, she asks the all important question, "Are you two... together?" and I didn't have an answer, and aparantly he didn't eather when she asked him earlier that day. Anyway, Zack was there too, *sigh*, that kid. We just had a quick chat amongst all of us, because Jackson had to get to his Math class... BAH, so I was forcably taken from U-Hi. Before I went though, I got some time to talk to him alone.
(The exact phrasings are almost garenteed to be incorrect)
Being the coy, shy person that I am, I stubled together the phrase "So people keep asking me this question, and probably you too... er, you know what I'm talking about?"
He replies "Yes, I think I do, but you should probably clarify, to make sure we are on the same page"
I just pushed ahead with, "Let's just assume you know... whats the answer?"
"To the question, 'Are we Boyfriends?', yes, I beleve we are" was his reply. I just wanted to hold him, It was so wonderful that he said yes, that the person that has so seriously peeked my interest would say yes. It was an all important moment I think. We embrassed, and kissed. It was perfect.
So I was forced out the door, but I was spoken for. How wonderful.
We hauled ass to the high school, and Jackson went to math, as I wandered the halls. I visited Mr. Winslow, and Mrs. Dufford, as usual. Then did something interesting. I went to seminary. I maintain that I wanted to see if it was me or the building that was going to catch on fire, but alas neither did. Sat there, and made snide comments durring the lesson, and left early. Jackson came, and we were off to U-Hi. We saw Kassi, and some guys, picked them up, and gave them a lift, then returned to find my boyfriend... it's wierd to say, after all it's been quite some time sense the whole Jesse thing. On our way in I found someone that I never expected. Rachel Finley. Queen bitch, but thats why I love her! Oh well, we got back and found him, (his car still has gummi bears on it!). It was so cute, how affectionate he was and all, but I think it may have gotten to Kassi. We will see what happens here. Anyway, after spending quite some time at the high school with Tyler and Eian, Jackson and Kassi were totaly freaked out. They don't handle Zack's friends well, which is really sad. But it has to do with seriously different backgrounds.

I took Kassi home, she needed to, and we met at Albertsons, where I'm not sure what happened but Zack's friends were gone. We made dinner plans, and then piled in the pridemobile, went and droped Jackson off at home, and then hit the mall. I could tell that Zack was tired, but he was making an effort to be enerjetic, it was fun to watch. So he bought the same rainbow shoelaces as I have, we walked a little and were off. There was some guy in the parking lot that flipped us off, we were just holding hands.... bastard. Honestly these people, dang!
He put on his new lases as we went back to the Albertsons, where his car was parked, he held my hand, and made a decent atempt to fall asleap on my sholder. So we got back, he kissed me, and I melted. He had to leave, mom wanted him home at 6:00, so off he went. He was going to try to come to dinner with me and Rachel, but that fell through. So I had dinner with Rachel, it was strange, like a Heterosexual date. Bleh, I talked with her for some time, she is doing the military thing and such, but I explaned my dad's hickishness to her, she thought that was quite funny. For those of you who dont know my dad, here's a scary visual.

My dad's truck
1996 Ford F-250 Deseal Power Stroke with Turocharger
Quad cab, short box body.
Two gun racks in the cab, with a total capasity of 5 rifles, two overhead, and 3 behind
A CB radio, with two large antenna's mounted on the vehicle.
A truck bed toolbox
Radar Detector
AC Inverter
Mudflaps with "Peaterbuilt" on them

Vivid enough?

So yeah, dinner was quite good, and Rachel was off. After she left I tried to call Zack back, but to no answer, so I parked in the church parking lot and thought, for quite some time, just in the dark looking at the sky, then I begain to write, for my sake... and it came out a letter. A letter that was just how I felt, nothing more or less, then I sat more, and decided as to wether or not I should deliver such letter. I didn't see a problem with it, so I did. Thus under the conver of night, I rolled into his driveway with the lights off, and went to place the letter at the front door. It wouldn't stick!!! I was sure that someone was gonna come out and discover me trying to place this stupid note on the door, so I left it on the doorknob. Bleh. And went home. It was just some drudgery, then Zack called. I missed the call, but called him right back, he was calling to say goodnight. So I directed him to the front door, and to my note, then promptly said goodnight and got him off the phone. Will be interesting to see what happens, I BSed all night on the internet and such I took great joy in changing my MySpace profile from "single". It shouldn't have been as fun as I made it but oh well. Love this blog thing. And thought of him. I hope to see him tomorow again, and so I wrote all this.

Interesting fact, Today (Oct 11th) is national "coming out day", so thats a spiffy anaversery if I ever heard of one!

Night all, And this was just one day!

Monday, October 10, 2005

Is there a term stronger then smittin?

Oh my... So I just realized that today is the first time that I havn't seen Zack sense wensday of last week, which is strange, but it's ok [Never mind, went and took him tea with Lainie]. I suppose that I should catch up a bit on this weekend, so I will try to go through it all. Friday... The first date. So Jackson gave me the responsibility of planning the feasco. Ask me how many dates I've been on lately... I'm just glad that Jackson offered to doubble. But now I had to plan for several people. I was so nervous... I left work early [~3:00 pm ish] and went to do several things LIKE PLAN, that was a big one... and I thouroughly cleaned the pridemobile. IT WAS SO CLEEN. Then I went home to make sure I didn't look like a slob. I went to get Jackson... and then we went to get Rhiana, and I pulled the COOLEST powerslide in the P.M. Then, I beleve it was that point that Jackson tells me that there may be another couple. Even better, Zack calls and anounces yet another! Also says he has only until 9:00, SAT's in the morning. So, RIGHTO! We pick up Zack and his friends, and I am welcomed by a short... yet pissed... girl, "You could give us some warning you konw! A phone call would be nice" or something to the like. We then pile into cars, and head to Red Robin. Jackson aparantly hasn't eaten there, so now he has. We got our table after me and Rhiana utterly sucked at video games. Bah. The other coupple was slightly late, but that was fine... we all had a nice dinner, and I spoke to the waitres as we were seeted, haha, I got the check... GO ME! After the eating, I proposed three possible activities. One, go to Roller Valley. Two, go to a movie and meet Jackson's other coupple. Or three, go downtown and ride the carosel. I beleve it's called the Louff, or something french like that. It was decided that we shall go forth to downtown Spokane! The happiest place on earth *cough, cough* RIGHT! But there were some major highlights. The hobo in the park was freaking funny. There was fire trucks and all. A grand dispaly I must say... Well anyway, the carosel closes at 8:00, not 9:00 as I had thought. Damn. So we tried to find Paul... and due to an error between "Big Easy", and "Fat Tuesdays", we were in such the wrong spot. So with time expiring quickly, we headed back to the car. Now here is where it got interesting. He tried to insist on paying for parking... right. He doesn't know me very well, and Jackson tried to warn him. So, the elevator... yeah, needless to say, I put the $10 back where it belongs. So what does he do? Places it on the window of my car, and I knew he did it, but I also knew it was ok... because I was begining to plot. I said my goodbyes, we hugged. And he was off. Leaving Jackson, Rhiana, and me to more miscevious things. We got gas, and tried to figure out how to spend the rest of our evening. It ended up involving procureing 14 lbs of Gummi Bears, a car, and a ton of licking. We were sticking them to the outside of the car SICKO! We performed this atack by the cover of night. And the reaction was priceless. We spent the evening just killing time with Briana, and Rouchelle. And we talked about Zack. This is the first time that I've been on a doubble date, and it's so nice that Jackson got to evaluate the guy himself. He and Rhiana gave there complete approval, but it didn't seem right. It has always been Sam that councels me. And its just strange I suppose, but I need not always be dependant on her for everything. Went home, grinning, and slept. The best evening ever.

Sunday, October 09, 2005


Have you been "smittin"? The blissful feeling of curiosity and mystery? You know what it is... it's the begining of love, yet not love. I almost maintain its better then love for the sole reason that there are not limits. You can dream forever while in this state. I just want to hold it forever, and I know this sounds just stupid but hey. I've seen him 4 out of the past 5 days, and it's been magical sense the first moment. I just don't know though, he seems out of my league. To this point I have yet to see a single weekness or fault, which for an analytical person like me is damn impressive. All this while I sit with so many things that I need to work on myself. I am still mostly in shock of who this is... after all, running into someone from elementry school? Damn neer cracktastic. He is so great though, and all my friends agree as well. I don't understand but I was flooting on cloud nine as I drove home, singing to blaring music, and smiling for 30 minutes (yeah ... that hurts). I just don't know about it though... I'm sure I was far too forward when I gave him a little kiss before I left. I really shouldn't have done that because of him being at work and all, but it was one of those damn impulsive decisions. I just dont know though... if that was ok and all. I evedantly don't know much at this point... but thats why I love being "smittin"

Sunday, October 02, 2005

So, empty.

So I'm pissed at you my friend. My deer sweet friend. You have no clue, you see, he is who you love now, not me anymore. Dont even try to say that its different and we each have our place, because its not so. You see, you spend every day with him, he is your best friend as well as your boyfriend. I just want you to know it hurts; you are having the time of your life and I'm alone. You abandoned me, at school without you, and you have the nerve to tell me its for the best. You use me; I am not a pocketbook. Sense he's now the targets of your affection, perhaps he should be the one who kindly pays for your whims. You never call... perhaps if you had, we wouldn't be where we are now. Why my friend did you do this, did you try to hang on to my heart while giving yours to another? Where is the friend that I pulled out of school and watched panic on the bus? Who would drop by after going to the store? I STILL LIVE 3 BLOCKS AWAY! Don't think I havn't tried. I am usualy greeted by your brother or mother when I call or visit; your never home. Always ALWAYS out with him. Then you have the nerve to accuse me of hurting you, you dont see the pain I have? Are you that out of sync with me my Grace? What of our plans to move to Seattle? Do you paint him there now? Why did you make me hold on, I was ready to let go like you have once, and you made me stay... just to keep hurting me. You seem that you only want my atention when I am enjoying myself, when I am talking to someone, or such... thats when you need me. You havnt "needed" me for a long time now. I know that you life cant be perfect, but you havnt confided in me, havnt sought my blessing, my councel, my affection in so long. It just hurts you know? I suppose you know, it hurts you somehow, but its not the same. You have someone to make the hurt go away, to talk to, while I sit alone. You always said you wanted to see my cry, well? Where are you now, now that you made me cry, not to embrace me, to wipe away the tears, so I sit. Its not fair that I love you, I wish I didnt care, for the hurt would be gone. Where is the friend that was there for me when everything came crashing down... thats when you were not as strong as I needed, and I was not as week as I thought. Where is the friend that would sit in my arms as we watched a movie, or slept on my as we rode the bus to college? She is gone now, and frankly as much as she think she doesnt want it back. So why hold on? You just make me hurt more, each day. I cant beleve that you didnt do me the curtosy of leting me go still loving you, but anymore that fades, and is being replaced with resent... for you, as sad as it is, I no longer care about you, I cant... YOU WONT LET ME. So there. Sleep my friend, and have a wonderful day at school, it will be weeks before you talk to me again anyway... before you remind me of the one I miss, and I become just that much less close to you. But as you come to know what I do, grow closer to him, he will comfort you, and fill the hole that I left, while I sit empty, without my love, without you.