I’m not fine, not OK

Nothing has changed except that I've stopped intruding on your relationship. I still think about you all day, more than ever it seems. I've done everything I can, but it wasn't enough, not right now. I just wish you would have given me some direction, some way back. I had a dream about you about a week and a half ago. It was the most vivid one yet. I was in Seattle, and somehow ended up in "Japan" though it was undeniable that what I saw was probably San Diego. Had the car with me, ran into a German exchange student from high school. Asked around to find you, but when I went to "your office" which I remember in odd detail, I didn't go in. I sat and waited for you. Gary, I'm here, for how long I can't say. About to get a big raise at work, so I'm basically secure for life.

 

I've spent a lot of time and effort going to the gym, tanning, going to spas, personal trainers, etc. I've built up my confidence and self esteem to know that I am valuable. I've loved you Gary, I've gave it my all, and if that's not enough, someone else out there will think so. I've not given up this fight easily, but I can't seem to crack your armor, can't seem to see a way in. When you're ready to grow up and work through this, look me up, because I never stop fighting for love. Until then, I'll keep looking for someone who with tough it out with me.

On the edge of loosing you

There is someone out there in the world that I really love, that doesn't care about me in the same way. Anytime I want to run to someone, I have to see if he happens to be online, or send him an email or something. I really don't think that it's helping me out these days. Maybe I need to stop trying, letting the conversation pitter out and just mourning the loss of the man whom I love. Hard call to make, but I don't know about much of anything these days.

My new boss was in town last week, was great. I like the guy but he is going to start demanding more structure and accountability from the team. That means that I have to change the way I work these days. In the end it's only a good thing, would help me move up in the company and get to do more interesting things. I do have to thank NASDAQ for at least getting me the new equipment I wanted.

I'm going to go to the gym before work in the morning, kick ass at the office, go tanning, clean the car, and go to dinner with a guy tomorrow. Lot of stuff to do without much time… on second thought, may not go tanning.

 

You know who, I miss you.

Crazy people!

<wussupyall> a good blow job is all you would be good for....DONT FLATTER YOURSELF .......U HAVNT GOT MUCH TO BE PROUD OFTHERE
<almightylinuxgod> im sorry, you must have made some mistake, because people are more pollite then that
<wussupyall> u would make a good poster boy for....THIS IS A BRAIN ON DRUGS .....LOL
<wussupyall> see ya
<almightylinuxgod> if you have some concern with me, please conduct yourself in an approprite manner
<wussupyall> fuck u
<almightylinuxgod> certanly not
<wussupyall> dude u
<wussupyall> u are a lil freak go away
<wussupyall> and get off dope
<wussupyall> and cover that scronny body
<wussupyall> eeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwww
<almightylinuxgod> haha, if you wish to avoid speeking to me, dont speek to me
<almightylinuxgod> simple premice
<almightylinuxgod> and if yelling at me makes you feel better, take as much time as you need
<wussupyall> GO AWAY FUCK FACE
<wussupyall> U LIL DOWG
<wussupyall> DAWG
<wussupyall> U GROSS US OUT
<wussupyall> and u are verry pathetic to think u are so hot
<wussupyall> cause u most definatly are not
<wussupyall> u arent even cute
<almightylinuxgod> done or did you need more time?
<almightylinuxgod> righto! have a great night! ^.^
<wussupyall> go away